Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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