it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
