sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
