holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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