we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
