I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize