that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
