I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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