your parents love me but you hate me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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