When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
