just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
