I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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