your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
