i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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