then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
