she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
