nut hugger
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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