The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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