is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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