he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
