Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
