You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize