So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
