How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Never underestimate the power of titties
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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