So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
