so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
