so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize