Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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