Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
