Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
