We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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