this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just had sex on a roof
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
