3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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