Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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