just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize