what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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