I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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