Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
