I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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