my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
