Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize