3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
