Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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