its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
