I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
