I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
