He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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