I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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