he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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