i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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