I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
