Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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