I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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