I got chris browned last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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