I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
