Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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