the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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