so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
