Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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