i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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