You work out of a Hotel?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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