i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
