so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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