420 ftw
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
