Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
