Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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