I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize