How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
