Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
