hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
