Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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