this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
