Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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