Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
