Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
