anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
