No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
