I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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