yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize