I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
