I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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