You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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