So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
