Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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