your parents love me but you hate me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
