Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
They took my balls.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize