Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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