Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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