i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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