Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
