alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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