Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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