I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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