Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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