about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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