Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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