I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
