everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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