he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
