i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize