I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
