...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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