He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize