his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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