Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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