My room smells like vodka and shame
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
