Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
