just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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