By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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