dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
